Oh Wow, Exams

Let me get this out of the way, first: I simply detest taking exams right after what are supposedly meant to be school holidays.

It’s unfair, unjust and especially so when school activities already take up a significant portion of my holidays… I simply can’t take a real break. Yes, yes, I know - the school’s overambition is understandable, given that it’s pioneering the IB system in Singapore. But my very nature is quite incompatible with all this continuous hard work, and though of course I strive to change for the better and for the future (I too am ambitious. Perhaps a little too much?), still, sometimes the motivation just gets, inexplicably, sapped.

Which was exactly the case for this set of mid-year examinations that has just ended. I feel somewhat disappointed in myself for the lack of effort (sure, I studied hard - but only at 2AM the night before), but my conscience has sympathy for its patron, too, you know. So while I’m not really looking forward to discovering the enormous pile of fail (hopefully not quite literally) that awaits me upon my return to the almsot unbearably long mundane daily routine of school, I’m consoling myself with the mostly baseless theory that it’s not really my fault, that the mental anguish forgone with not syudying more than makes up for the loss of marks, that this exam isn’t really important anyway, that being average or slightly above that is in fact acceptable.

And I’m going to be blaming everyone and everything else (truthfully, only school, though) for all that’s gone awry. Sometimes I detest myself. But for now, there is a peace that permeates the air: the saccharine comfort of idling about, appearing introspective and philosophical, but in actuality not even close to dabbling in either of those. Nevertheless, living.